New Year's Resolution 2015

Okay it's been a whole year since I recapped on my new year's resolution. This has become all too routine for me; a mundane task I once was so excited to do. Not anymore though. Over the years I have been so jaded with everything that's happening around me that I feel like I do things just to go through the motions. Here we go:

• study harder and maintain my Dean's list!!! 

So far so good. I've been on the Deans list for all my semesters in uni, albeit slipping a little from the GPA I used to get. But hey in my defense it gets progressively harder therefore making keeping up so much harder as well. Let's see how I will do for my 5th semester.

• do my squats

I'm really proud of myself because I've actually been working out/ exercising since September. I hit the gym for two solid months before workload got the best of me and my gym buddy and then the weather too. So now I mostly do running. And I unlocked an achievement I never thought was possible in my lifetime - running 5k in less than an hour. Thank you ZombiesRun!

• be a better driver 

Well I drive significantly better compared with when I first started, although according to a specific person that I chauffeured for 3 days I drive like I'm trying to commit a homicide so there you go. Driving manual is not a joke because I don't have the best hand-leg coordination, so this is an area that I can work on. Oh yeah I have horrible distance perception too. 

• blog more 

Yep. I wanted to make blogging a monthly affair but I forget every time. But when I do remember to do so, I do it. I wanted to have at least 12 blog posts a year but it didn't happen. Oh well, we still have next year (which is literally less than one hour from now).

• better a better human in general

I can't really say that I have been a better person, but I can say that I've definitely changed. I handle situations with a slightly more mature mindset these days. I still get angry and have my anger and emotional bursts, but they're much better now although I just got off the phone screaming to my mother about something really frustrating. Sorry. 

And there you have it. My annual resolutions list. I'll have to come up with a new list tomorrow, just like I did all these years when I started this tradition in '09 (or was it '10?).

Goodbye 2015. You've been an exciting ride. You gave me sadness, but also happiness to counteract with the sadness. Some people left, but some came, not to replace those who left but to bring joy and happiness and excitement. To a better year ahead. 2016, bring it on!

Je Me Suis Un Joyeux Noel Peu

Well, seeing everyone around me so happy on such a beautiful Christmas day makes me all warm inside my heart too. It sucks to be away from home three Christmases in a row, but there's nothing I can do about it. I know that in the future, there will be even more Christmases away from home and it's gonna be inevitable. Maybe I'll build a home away from home someday on my own, too. 

I am also well aware of the fact that I will miss this study life when I'm no longer a student. Reality isn't too far away from me, because right now I'm already halfway through with my final year and in 6 more months, I will be done. I will graduate before I even finish writing this blog post, that's how fast time zooms past me. Like, you know how time is relative? In Interstellar, there were two scenes that made me gasp for air. The first scene was when they arrived on Miller's planet and found that the astronaut before them crashed only minuted before their arrival, although she left for the mission years ago. The second scene was the scene where they returned from Miller's planet back to their ship, and found that Romilly was 24 years older in the span of the few hours that they were on Miller's planet. I kid you not when I say I damn near had a panic attack watching this movie, because it describes my anxiety down to the last dot. Time is relative. To me, time moves really fast but to you, maybe time is extremely slow. This is why I worry. I worry about growing old.  I worry about people around me dying. I worry about death.

In exactly one month minus one day, I will turn 23. I don't really know how to feel about it. Each birthday passes by and I feel like I am the same like the years before, but when I look back on the big picture, I've actually turned into a different person. That's good, I guess. At least there's progress. 

11

Holy fucking shit. Today is the last day of the month. I predicted my exact reaction from my last blog post and then here I am... still the same. Still a serial procrastinator on the loose (sorry, Jose). But baby steps. I am taking baby steps to curb my bad habit since I still hold the hope of graduating first class. Anyway, November has been pretty good to me. My mid-semester trip was awesome, who knew Malaysia has so much to offer when all you've ever known of Malaysia was how it will never compare to places like  New York or Bali? What really shocked me was that there are actually Portuguese men here ??? 

Anyway so many things have been going on in my life lately that I feel like I barely have time to even breathe. As usual, I take 90% the bulk of the work in a 5 pax group assignment because no one is ever proactive. 

"What the fuck are you doing? Don't wait for me to tell you what to do! Please have some initiative! Okay, I just told you what to do. Why aren't you doing it? Fuck all of you"

As evident above, I just summed up my thought process whenever I deal with my group mates. I also have trust issues. They don't give a shit about the assignment or getting good grades but I do, so I have to do everything on my own, and in the end, I suffer. BUT GOOD NEWS. Pain is temporary, good grades are forever.

Okay it's time to go back to suffering. 

2 Spoopy 4 Me

I've wanted to make blogging a monthly affair for a while now, but I can never remember to do it, no matter how much I need to rant or how much free time I have on my hand with unlimited internet connection at home now. So everytime I do realise it, it's already the last day of the month and also the last hour. Therefore, this point proves that I am a natural born procrastinator. Because I remember a lot of things that I have to do at the 11th hour.

This month has passed by so fast, to the point where I feel like October just started literally two weeks ago. I remember thinking to myself that I've been back to uni for exactly a month on the 6th of October, but in a week it will be two months and I just cannot deal with that. Next thing I know, it's the 30th of November and I freak out again about time going by so fast. I have chronophobia and it's real. I've only had one homesick episode since I came back here, and it's all looking good again since I have my mid semester break next week. Yay. 

There are also some things that happened in this month, things I would not feel comfortable disclosing here. If I didn't tell you in person, then you don't need to know it from my blog. Honestly, it's final year from me and I know that I have to give it my all, so I try not to let these little things bother me so much. Because I learnt that nothing is more important than myself. Nothing is more important than me and my goal of becoming a strong independent black woman that don't need no man. 

Alor, quand je suis libre, je voudrais ecrivre mon poste en francais en avenir. Au revoir. 

Acne Be Gone

For the past few months, I have noticed that my skin became clearer and smoother and then a huge realisation hit me. I HAVE NO MORE ACNE! 

For someone that had been battling acne since she was 11, (yeh I had acne before I even got my period?) (11???? I was still a child) (I didn't even know they were called acne then) the feeling of finally having good skin is beyond amazing. I got my first 100 pimples when I was 11, or at least it felt like it because everyone else my age had flawless skin (some still do) while I had a greasy pepperoni pizza face. The ages between 11 and 22.5 were the worst years of my life because I had no self confidence and I was always angry because the acne just got worse and worse with no signs of clearing up. But the absolute worst acne stage I ever had was when I came back from Georgia in 2011. 

The drastic change in weather caused my entire face to revolt against me and I literally couldn't do anything except crying because it hurt my face and my self esteem so much. On top of my whole face erupting like 20 volcanoes at once I had a few huge cystic acne just chilling under my skin that wouldn't break out so I was actually constantly in pain. It didn't help that I was actually attending Sixth Form at a co-ed school, a complete 180 degree change in the environment that I am so used to that is an all-girls school. Boys are always staring at me wondering who the fuck bashed my face up. A few of my classmates asked me what happened to my face because my acne is so bad it constantly had puss in it. And on top of that to make matters worse my mom took me to a facial lady for her to pop all of my pimples out. And the aftermath of all those facial sessions was that my skin was infected and I had to take antibiotics to reduce the infection. Actually, words cannot do justice as to how horrible the condition of my face was at that time. My face was everyone's worst nightmare.

Actually, my mom did redeem herself after many bouts of me coming home from school crying and wailing because my face is in pain. The only good thing my mom ever did to my face was to take me to this dermatologist in KL. He saved my face and although there are still obvious scarring and enlarged pores on my face, I am very grateful. Seeing the condition of my face, the first thing my doctor did was to inject into my acne. I am not kidding. I repeat, he injected into the skin on my face. He injected this medication into all of my acne, and I think I took over 30 injections in my whole face the first time I was there. My skin got slightly better in addition to the medication he put me on and for once since I got back and had to forcibly enrol myself into Sixth Form, I wasn't crying when I got home. 

However, this journey wasn't an easy one. I had to visit my doctor monthly and it costed my parents a lot of money because the injection+medication+face regime was really expensive. A part of it was also my fault because once I saw results, I would slack off on my medication and skincare so I was constantly bouncing on being off and on the medication. But, as of my final round of medication in earlier this year, the acne production factory has finally ceased operation. I had only two or three little pimple resurface since May 2015. I hope I am not speaking too soon because as of this moment in my life, my face is finally 100% free from acne. And I am elated. After 11 long years of battling with acne, I have won.  

Fish are Friends not Food

I don't understand people who have a set of guidelines for people to behave in order to be their "friends". Ok for example, to qualify as my true friend, you need to be available to me when I call you at 3am after the death of my cat, you need to be able to speak in 5 ancient languages, and you need to be able to sacrifice your firstborn child to satan before s/he turns two. 

Why is your friendship so exclusive? Would you even comply with such demands if you came across an acquaintance that has prerequisites like this? 

To me, you cannot put a price tag on friendship. Just because a friend is unavailable to you during the worst times of your life, it doesn't make them a bad friend. Everyone has their own lives to live and their world does not revolve around you alone. Why should you expect your friends to constantly be at your beck and call? Ask yourself, then, do you really need a friend or a maid?

People who constantly talk about how their friends don't really know them - did you allow your friends to penetrate through your barriers? Ultimately it is you who will call the shots on whom you want to count as friends. I hate people who constantly whine about how so-and-so are not true friends because s/he didn't do this/ that for me. Friendship doesn't work that way. They don't owe you anything, and their favors are out of goodwill, not obligation.

As we get older, good friends are harder to come by. I still remember the days when I was 5 - when anyone uttered "I don't want to friend you already" I would be quick to respond "don't want friend then don't friend lah". I had plenty of friends and making new friends at that age was really easy so friends like that were disposable. Now that I am 22, making new friends is nearly an impossible task for me so this explains why I only have like 3 person I can count as friends in uni. Could you imagine, if I put potential friends through my construct of "true friendship" tests, how many friends would I have?

Right. 

The Seventh Month

Death. Silent as can be. 

The human body is very resilient, yet fragile at the same time. One person in history survived a 160ft fall. Don't know how much 160ft is? Imagine falling from the 16th floor of a building and not die, that is how much impact a human body can withstand. Physically, that is. However, it is not the big things that kill you easily. It is the small things. Small evil things like bacterias that cause fatal infections. 

I just got the news about this friend whom passed away earlier. I knew her back in Form 1 and the most outstanding impression she gave me about herself is that I literally have never seen her get angry. She's a forever smiling type of girl, forever cheerful, forever full of life - until she was robbed of her future. I don't really know the exact circumstances surrounding her death but it is definitely very sudden, pretty much like the guy in my previous two posts. But why her? She's young and has the whole world ahead of her. Not even 22 yet. Not even close to being 22. There are still so many places she has yet to explore. There are still so many friends she has yet to make. There are still so many memories she has yet to create. So many. 

Death is sudden. Death comes without warning. Death is swift. Death does not discriminate. 

Rest in peace, young lady. I'm sure your bright smile from heaven illuminates everyone here on earth. You will be dearly missed. 

Stellar GPA? So What?

This post is dedicated to everyone who can't accept failures who's fretting about being dethroned from your 3.9 GPA - so what? It's not the end of the world. So what if your GPA this time is lower than what you expected? In fact, you were fine with your lower-than-3.9 GPA previously so why must going back to the status quo be such a huge earth-shattering devastation? 

I remember being very shocked and sad at the fact that my GPA dropped so much from my near-perfection GPA of 3.91. But for the coming semesters, I performed better and I used my fall as a yardstick to gauge how much I've improved since then. And it made me feel so much better because I learnt that life isn't gonna be a smooth string of 3.9s. Well, as long as I'm still doing relatively well for my studies, the numbers don't matter. A 3.67 GPA can still guarantee all A's, albeit them being A-'s. THEY'RE STILL A'S. MY GPA fell so much and I didn't die (although I wanted to when I first got my results) so this too, shall pass. Your good semesters will pass, and so will your bad semesters. 

All that matters is that you've done your best. That's what I keep telling myself - I've done my best.

The Sixth Month

I received a message from my sister late last night informing me of the death of my cousin's grandaunt. If you have been keeping up with my blog, in my other entry titled "The Fifth Month", I mentioned about the death of both my cousin's grandparents. I am not close to this grandaunt at all but I do see her sometimes when I go over to my aunt's place - a little backstory: this grandaunt is my cousin's grandma's sister, and she was unmarried so she lived with my cousin's grandparents. So, there were the grandparents, the parents, and one grandaunt living under the same roof. 

The grandmother died after the second wave of stroke that hit her, and the grandfather was a clumsy old man with one fake eye. He fell, causing his death. Both their deaths were tragic - in the sense that they did not die the ideal way - peacefully in their sleep. And this grandaunt suffered the same fate too. 

Apparently, last night, she complained of phlegm in her throat so my aunt drove her to the clinic. On the way there in the car, she asked for a tissue and when my aunt pulled a tissue and turned around to give it to her, she was gone. How is her death so sudden? I don't really know the circumstances surrounding it but it is really shocking that one moment she is asking for a tissue and literally another moment later she is slumped lifeless in the back seat.

I am still in shock over this whole incident - because she seemed like a relatively healthy person in her late 60s/ early 70s with the usual problems that old people usually suffer from. I don't understand. 

Just like how I know of this lady back in GA who was touring around Europe last week when suddenly her boyfriend, who has been complaining of severe headaches, was diagnosed with brain tumour. The surgery to remove the tumour went well, however he was in life support about 4 days before passing away. This whole incident happened so quickly, in the span of one week. Would he still be alive had he ignored the crippling pain and not gone to the doctor for the operation? His girlfriend did not make it back in time from Europe for the final goodbye. She arrived 5 hours after he passed.  

The death of people has always disturbed me. It is inevitable, and if I have known you even for a short while, your absence leaves a void in my heart. I hate the idea that things are not going to be the same again. I hate the fact that every time I go over to my aunt's place, she will no longer be sitting in the living room watching Hong Kong dramas. I wonder how many unfinished TV series endings that you are dying to know. 

Rest in peace. 

Fighting The Tiger Tonight

This semester I had the luck of taking French as an elective. I have always wanted to learn a foreign language so that I can go to that particular country and charm myself a cute boy so that we can have cute babies together, so it only makes sense for me to put myself under this torture for 14 week for my future husband. Anyway, speaking of foreign languages, my first priority was Spanish. Unfortunately, they only had my second choice so I went with it. My title was actually inspired by a Stephen Chow movie whose name I forgot that had a scene in it where he battled a Frenchman in poker and named the battle as "kam man ta lou fu (fighting the tiger tonight)" - which is a pin yin for "comment allez vous" which literally translated to "how are you" in English. The more you know. 

My first French lesson ended in instant regret because I never knew it was so difficult to make weird nasally sounds, because I speak one of the weird nasally languages since I was born, which is Cantonese. I was born to make these weird nasally sounds. But why couldn't I when the language is the language of love? WHY CAN'T I ROLL MY R'S LIKE THE FRENCH PEOPLE AFTER ALL IT JUST SOUNDS LIKE I'M COUGHING UP PHLEGM WHY IS THAT SO HARD. 

I had the pleasure of having a Frenchman from France as my professeur and it was great. The first few classes were so hilarious because French sounded so alien to me! I was doing a really good job at behaving myself in class until I encountered the word "pantalon".  PANTALON. PANTALON!!!! I really lost my shit at this word because 
1. It is pronounced as pang-ta-long.
2. It sounds like a bad word. I don't know in which language but it does.
3. I don't know a funnier word than this word. PANTALON. I repeat - PANTALON.
4. It doesn't matter what that word means because when I put it in this context it makes sense - YOU ARE A PANTALON!!!!

No one found it funny except for me and my professeur glared at me because I was laughing to myself in class. 

UGGGHHHHHH

So I live with 4 male housemates and 3 other female housemates. I get along well with everyone except two of the dick owners out of the four. This is because they own only one thing - a dick. Not even a brain. Not even a PEA-SIZED brain. If I could crack open their skulls, it would be empty. My anger is completely justified, though. 

One of this dude, let's call him Chew because that's actually his real name, is a fucking brainless misogynistic pig. His ideal woman is a subservient slave that does nothing but cook, clean, and give sex. However, what's funny is that his girlfriend is an irony. His girlfriend controls his every movement so he can't get tagged with us housemates on FB or she will lose her shit and personally fly here to kick him in his balls.

This second idiot, let's call him Vincent cause that's what he calls himself, is also of the same species as Chew. I swear these two pigs were put on earth in the form of humans to test my patience. Anyway, this Vincent is a grade A asshole. He's not an asshole to me, but to another girl that can't keep her mouth shut. So in a way it's kinda justified but his assholery trumps over her blabbery and again let me reiterate myself he's a fucking idiot so he is still at fault here. 

The other day during dinner we came to the subject of girlfriends/boyfriends. So someone said something along the lines of "paying for meals with your bf/gf" and without missing a beat Vincent jumped on the topic full-force and stated "I will never pay for my girlfriend's food using my parents' hard earned money!!!"
Okay calm your tits.
Firstly, you are clearly not fit to get into a relationship. How is it that you have had 3 girlfriends in the past is beyond me. Why would any girl even find you remotely attractive at half the shit you say? And not to mention your selfishness. I can pay for both our meals because I work and save. 
Secondly, you're a fucking idiot. 

And so this Chew asked me to say something nice about potty mouth girl to Vincent to change his mind that she is actually suitable for him (um wtf?) and the first thing that popped out of his mouth is telling me to say that potty mouth is a good cook. This really pisses me off because this fucking idiot obviously see women as nothing more than a stay at home cooking machine. I will never forget that one time he told me I should cook dinner for everyone just because I'm a woman and I should be doing the cooking. 

Justice porn - I obviously gave a huge piece of my mind to this fucktard Chew (I literally chew-ed him out) and as usual, his only comeback is "chill la joking only". Motherfucker, degrading women is not something you joke at!!!! Crawl back into your mother's womb and STAY THERE! 

FUCK I swear people here sre so fucking stupid and ignorant sometimes. 

Glossophobia

Dear kids, 

Today you will learn a new term. A term that relates to almost 75% of Americans. And we're not talking about the common Americans. We're talking about Americans who would choose death over speaking in public. In ancient Greece, 

glosso = tongue
phobia = fear

therefore it literally translates to "fear of the tongue". Also more commonly known as "fear of public speaking". And today I was part of the 75%. A little background: I am taking Public Speaking this semester and it was not by choice but by force because every single person from my course needs to take it to graduate. So, we are taught by this pro-government lecturer who apparently has appeared LIVE on TV over a million times (his words not mine) (ok maybe not a million but close enough) who has no fear and is part of the 25%. So, the first few classes went good because its predictable and whatnot. However, the first thing he said when he walked into class this morning was about how he would pick 5 students at random to assess and this accounts for 10 marks. Ok, I thought to myself, 5 people out of 104 isn't so bad. I cant be that lucky. Heh. That's like a 4.8% chance to get picked. Such slim chance. Nah it won't be me.
The first person who got called was a girl and she got up, liked it or not she was going first or risk losing her 10 marks. She was definitely caught unprepared and was very very very nervous and she didn't know what to say so she apologised and went off. 
The second person was another girl who seemed to have accepted her fate so she fared fairly better. At least she had a momentum and could still crap off on top of her head what she remembered about the lecture earlier (we were supposed to talk about what we've learnt). 
And then he called out number "one one". It's eleven. The 11th number on the name list is........ MY fucking name. Well now I know where I rank alphabetically.
Holy fuck. I was caught unprepared because what the fuck I wasn't expecting that. I had no time to memorise anything and if you know me I have literally no memory so like it or not I walked up to the front. All the while my thought process was "fuck this fuck that fuckity fuck why me god". I was knee deep in my lecturer's shit. And so with trembling hands I grabbed the microphone and started talking. 

Okay let me begin my speech today by telling you a story. When I was 8 years old, I had to go on stage to present a little essay my English teacher wrote me. I had the weekend to memorize it before I had to go up on stage during the assembly on Monday. But when it was my turn, I froze. I couldn't remember much because I was so nervous and the only thing I remembered about the essay was how a man was selling ice-cream by the street. I was so scared so I just mumbled something and then I was silent for a long time until my teacher told me to get off the stage. I was very embarrassed. And that is the story of how I had stage fright for the first time.

Or something along the line. I couldn't remember. My story was relevant to my speech. However, throughout my whole speech, I was still very visibly nervous. I did not manage to apply a single effective public speaking technique he's been telling me the past week. Towards the end I bullshitted something along the line of "fake it until you make it" and that's really ironic because no matter how much I was faking it, I still didn't make it. 
And do you wanna know something even more ironic? 
All of us did the same speech of "How To Overcome Stage Fright".
Bet you didn't expect that plot twist, did you?

Well right after my speech something unexpected happened. He said I had a very strong starting, and that the way I started my story was well done, and it was a good example. I was shocked. WHY DID I GET PRAISED??? I didn't know that the torment my primary English teacher put me through at 8 was finally worth it. Heck I didn't even know that my most embarrassing two hours on stage when I was a mini me would pay off. So, thank you, mean bitch, for thoroughly embarrassing me when I was so young. You knew I couldn't do it, that's why you picked on me. And that's not the worst part. The worst part was that even my sister laughed at me when we got home and told everyone. But you don't need to know that.

Overall it was a good but horrifying experience. I can finally check off "impromptu public speaking" off my bucket list (not that it was even on my list anyway), and I belong in the 25% now. Today I truly found out I have the talent of bullshitting on-the-spot. I'd better spend more time honing this new found skill, in case it would come in handy someday.

Immature Old Bitch

I just realised that this uni education system has me chasing after good grades. I am not such a person. Well not since I was 9 when my studies took a huge dip and I transferred from the first class to the second class and subsequently struggled to pick up the grades I once had. Anyway, since uni is relatively easy for me, I find it difficult not to get obsessed with scoring perfect GPA. And this has, in turn, transformed me into an ass kisser. If you know me you will know that there is no way in hell I would kiss anyone's ass. 

Okay story time. The communications studies department in my uni is renowned for insane lecturers. Even the usage of the word "insane" is an understatement because if you are actually subjected under any of them's teaching you would know that there's more to them than just projected mental illness. However, this particular religion fanatic lecturer takes the cake. There are rumors (well more like truths) going around the faculty that she uses tears as threat. She will literally cry if you do not obey her instructions. What the fuck woman? Are you even a fucking LECTURER because that shit is unprofessional as fuck. Anddd since she is a communications lecturer I have to put up with her for FOUR consecutive semesters. Thats TWO whole years right there out of my THREE years. FUCK. But what she did that really got to me was how we are all required to buy her RM95 book. But there's a catch. Because she's fucking insane, remember? No good ever comes from a crazy bitch.The first catch is that she only ordered 80 books for the 120 students in our class. The second catch - EVERYONE is required to have the book. Third catch - OR ELSE all you bookless people sit in a corner while she teaches those with books. Fourth catch - NO PHOTOCOPIES. 

Well, she is on a whole new level of crazy. FUCKING CATSHIT CRAZY BITCH OF A WOMAN. And this is just one little part of her personality you're seeing, its not even the full picture yet. This is why I kiss her ass whenever possible. Because you absolutely cannot reason with crazy people.

May the good lord have mercy on my soul. 

I Don't Know About You, But I'm Not Feeling 22

Oh. Oh no. I'm 22 today. I cannot believe it. Where did the time go? I don't want to grow old. Seems like I was just 21 yesterday.

Well I was literally 21 yesterday anyway hahahh. And I also did literally nothing at home. I didn't get crazy drunk in a club, nor did I go smoking weed / vape / whatever all these young people are smoking like wtf am I even a young person ??? I fear the day I reach 25 and the quarter life crisis hits me, but one thing for sure I hope I make it back to the States to celebrate my birthday there. Honestly, I am jealous of my other friends who are out there in the world experiencing life. I want to do that too... while I'm still young and full of enthusiasm. With every passing day in uni I get more and more life sucked out of me oh god. Thinking about going back to uni and seeing my classmates make me wanna die.

On the bright side: I probably could make it back to the States before I'm 25. Yeh that's a good thought.
I also have great friends and family members, I am so thankful for all the supportive people around me. They're the real mvps in keeping me sane.

2015 Resolutions

I really have to make this list so that I can get back to studying for my finals which is coming up in 3 days. Okay, first things first (I'm the realest):

• study harder and maintain my Dean's list!!!
My grades have been slipping and my body  and mind is constantly debating whether to study or sleep, and I choose the latter EVERY DAMN TIME. My finals is creeping up real quick and I haven't done shit. And I'm starting to regret not studying but here I am, not even moving.

• do my squats
I want a Beyonce booty but I don't have the motivation Beyonce has. Blah. I should probably focus on getting back my stamina first.

• be a better driver
Well right now my driving is pretty steady considering I drive manual transmission and not auto. Somebody please warn my grandparents I'm gonna take them on a road trip again when I get back. And it's time to whine at my mother to let me drive her car.

• blog more
I had so much to blog about during last year's CNY but guess what? Yeh. I didn't write a single thing about the road trip with my grandparents, and about how my grandpa took a bullet to his calf, and about how my grandma was adopted as a maid at the age of 8 because her parents died during the war.

• better a better human in general
Ok I really don't know what else to list as my resolution so I'm just gonna put this here in case I think of something that I want done by the end of this year and regret not putting it on the list. Like playing the guitar more often because I did not even touch my guitar last year. And I just realised I cannot think on demand so yeh I probably need a new brain.

Right. I cannot believe I have been doing this resolution thing for so long. I don't even remember I have a resolution list until the end of the year (31st December precisely). Does anyone else feel like time passes by really quickly too? Literally this time last year I was wishing for a better year ahead, and although it was significantly better I don't remember much.

Here's to a more memorable year ahead, as a 22-year-old.