birthday!

yay.

Don't Wish Me "Happy" Birthday.

Today is my last day to be a teen... and honestly I don't like this feeling I'm getting, AT ALL. It's like my anxiety is just telling me "you're gonna be 20, someday you're gonna grow old and lose your dependence for your parents and you will have your own kids and then you grow old and die". I don't like this thought. Teen years are probably the years in which I have the most memories in, the ones I love the most because it was in this period that I discovered friends, did crazy things and loved. I don't know, turning 20 is supposed to be happy and all but thinking of my friends who turn 20 later in the year, I get jealous. Why can they appreciate more time as a teen but I don't? I know everyone's gifted with the same amount of time but I wish I was born later in the year. Then I would have so many more choices of guys to date because I like guys older than me... but I've found mine so it's bearable. And I like being young. I don't know, my mind is a mess right now. I don't wanna be 20! I know I will be fine after I hit 20 but this is still a huge blow to me. The funny thing is that every year I try to compare my "before and after" years... and not to my surprise it feels exactly like the year before. My brain is a mess and after this I will assume so much more responsibilities. So my brain needs to stop worrying because I have exactly a year before I'm officially an adult. Right? An at least I get the day off for tomorrow.

2013 Resolutions

Here we go again, this resolution-writing has become all too familiar for me. I've been doing it for three years without missing a beat so that's a good achievement to begin with, and if only I'd put that in my 2012 resolution list. Oh well. Time can't turn itself back, so it's too bad then. An opportunity to cross it off the list is missed. 2013, be good to me.

• accept my STPM results with an open heart
I kinda already know how badly I screwed up int he exams and heck, I even constantly dream about having to sit for the exam without preparation way after the exams already ended but I can't help it. I can't help but still wish for good grades and a 3.0 pointer. That's an impossible feat considering the fact that I screwed up pretty much all my subjects badly especially Chemistry. Thinking back about my paper 1 can make me cry tears of blood. What's done is done and nothing can be changed, so I might as well embrace it.

• get driver's license
Wow this was my 2010 resolution and 3 years later it still has not come true... I am a sore loser. All of my friends are going places with a car and a car license but me. I'm pathetic.

• continue my studies in USA
I just love USA so much. And also it would be a great getaway from everything that I hate here.

• positive thinking
Stop getting jealous at everyone who have the luxuries of traveling around the world. Stop wallowing in self pity when everybody else has a better life than me. Just don't give so many fucks. 

• last forever with my boyfriend
Is this wishful thinking? I really really really hope we can work out, because he is so perfect and he is everything I ever wanted. I knew I loved him before I met him. Before he came into my life I missed him so bad. And I am actually making an effort to make this work, because I want "us" to still materialise in the future. I know that you skeptics may say "anything can happen" but fingers and toes crossed, only positive changes not negative changes. I really love that boy.

Well I guess that's it? I can't think of anything else anymore. Let's check back in a year's time.