Glossophobia

Dear kids, 

Today you will learn a new term. A term that relates to almost 75% of Americans. And we're not talking about the common Americans. We're talking about Americans who would choose death over speaking in public. In ancient Greece, 

glosso = tongue
phobia = fear

therefore it literally translates to "fear of the tongue". Also more commonly known as "fear of public speaking". And today I was part of the 75%. A little background: I am taking Public Speaking this semester and it was not by choice but by force because every single person from my course needs to take it to graduate. So, we are taught by this pro-government lecturer who apparently has appeared LIVE on TV over a million times (his words not mine) (ok maybe not a million but close enough) who has no fear and is part of the 25%. So, the first few classes went good because its predictable and whatnot. However, the first thing he said when he walked into class this morning was about how he would pick 5 students at random to assess and this accounts for 10 marks. Ok, I thought to myself, 5 people out of 104 isn't so bad. I cant be that lucky. Heh. That's like a 4.8% chance to get picked. Such slim chance. Nah it won't be me.
The first person who got called was a girl and she got up, liked it or not she was going first or risk losing her 10 marks. She was definitely caught unprepared and was very very very nervous and she didn't know what to say so she apologised and went off. 
The second person was another girl who seemed to have accepted her fate so she fared fairly better. At least she had a momentum and could still crap off on top of her head what she remembered about the lecture earlier (we were supposed to talk about what we've learnt). 
And then he called out number "one one". It's eleven. The 11th number on the name list is........ MY fucking name. Well now I know where I rank alphabetically.
Holy fuck. I was caught unprepared because what the fuck I wasn't expecting that. I had no time to memorise anything and if you know me I have literally no memory so like it or not I walked up to the front. All the while my thought process was "fuck this fuck that fuckity fuck why me god". I was knee deep in my lecturer's shit. And so with trembling hands I grabbed the microphone and started talking. 

Okay let me begin my speech today by telling you a story. When I was 8 years old, I had to go on stage to present a little essay my English teacher wrote me. I had the weekend to memorize it before I had to go up on stage during the assembly on Monday. But when it was my turn, I froze. I couldn't remember much because I was so nervous and the only thing I remembered about the essay was how a man was selling ice-cream by the street. I was so scared so I just mumbled something and then I was silent for a long time until my teacher told me to get off the stage. I was very embarrassed. And that is the story of how I had stage fright for the first time.

Or something along the line. I couldn't remember. My story was relevant to my speech. However, throughout my whole speech, I was still very visibly nervous. I did not manage to apply a single effective public speaking technique he's been telling me the past week. Towards the end I bullshitted something along the line of "fake it until you make it" and that's really ironic because no matter how much I was faking it, I still didn't make it. 
And do you wanna know something even more ironic? 
All of us did the same speech of "How To Overcome Stage Fright".
Bet you didn't expect that plot twist, did you?

Well right after my speech something unexpected happened. He said I had a very strong starting, and that the way I started my story was well done, and it was a good example. I was shocked. WHY DID I GET PRAISED??? I didn't know that the torment my primary English teacher put me through at 8 was finally worth it. Heck I didn't even know that my most embarrassing two hours on stage when I was a mini me would pay off. So, thank you, mean bitch, for thoroughly embarrassing me when I was so young. You knew I couldn't do it, that's why you picked on me. And that's not the worst part. The worst part was that even my sister laughed at me when we got home and told everyone. But you don't need to know that.

Overall it was a good but horrifying experience. I can finally check off "impromptu public speaking" off my bucket list (not that it was even on my list anyway), and I belong in the 25% now. Today I truly found out I have the talent of bullshitting on-the-spot. I'd better spend more time honing this new found skill, in case it would come in handy someday.

Immature Old Bitch

I just realised that this uni education system has me chasing after good grades. I am not such a person. Well not since I was 9 when my studies took a huge dip and I transferred from the first class to the second class and subsequently struggled to pick up the grades I once had. Anyway, since uni is relatively easy for me, I find it difficult not to get obsessed with scoring perfect GPA. And this has, in turn, transformed me into an ass kisser. If you know me you will know that there is no way in hell I would kiss anyone's ass. 

Okay story time. The communications studies department in my uni is renowned for insane lecturers. Even the usage of the word "insane" is an understatement because if you are actually subjected under any of them's teaching you would know that there's more to them than just projected mental illness. However, this particular religion fanatic lecturer takes the cake. There are rumors (well more like truths) going around the faculty that she uses tears as threat. She will literally cry if you do not obey her instructions. What the fuck woman? Are you even a fucking LECTURER because that shit is unprofessional as fuck. Anddd since she is a communications lecturer I have to put up with her for FOUR consecutive semesters. Thats TWO whole years right there out of my THREE years. FUCK. But what she did that really got to me was how we are all required to buy her RM95 book. But there's a catch. Because she's fucking insane, remember? No good ever comes from a crazy bitch.The first catch is that she only ordered 80 books for the 120 students in our class. The second catch - EVERYONE is required to have the book. Third catch - OR ELSE all you bookless people sit in a corner while she teaches those with books. Fourth catch - NO PHOTOCOPIES. 

Well, she is on a whole new level of crazy. FUCKING CATSHIT CRAZY BITCH OF A WOMAN. And this is just one little part of her personality you're seeing, its not even the full picture yet. This is why I kiss her ass whenever possible. Because you absolutely cannot reason with crazy people.

May the good lord have mercy on my soul.