Don't Wish Me "Happy" Birthday.

Today is my last day to be a teen... and honestly I don't like this feeling I'm getting, AT ALL. It's like my anxiety is just telling me "you're gonna be 20, someday you're gonna grow old and lose your dependence for your parents and you will have your own kids and then you grow old and die". I don't like this thought. Teen years are probably the years in which I have the most memories in, the ones I love the most because it was in this period that I discovered friends, did crazy things and loved. I don't know, turning 20 is supposed to be happy and all but thinking of my friends who turn 20 later in the year, I get jealous. Why can they appreciate more time as a teen but I don't? I know everyone's gifted with the same amount of time but I wish I was born later in the year. Then I would have so many more choices of guys to date because I like guys older than me... but I've found mine so it's bearable. And I like being young. I don't know, my mind is a mess right now. I don't wanna be 20! I know I will be fine after I hit 20 but this is still a huge blow to me. The funny thing is that every year I try to compare my "before and after" years... and not to my surprise it feels exactly like the year before. My brain is a mess and after this I will assume so much more responsibilities. So my brain needs to stop worrying because I have exactly a year before I'm officially an adult. Right? An at least I get the day off for tomorrow.