cluttered state of mind

another day has come and gone, and before i even realise what's even going on i would already have a whole new life. spm is tomorrow's tomorrow, and guess what?

i still haven't felt the pressure to hit the books yet. great. just great. so all i'm doing now is just praying for a miracle. i know i ask a lot of stuffs from god and yet never repaid him, and it makes me feel a little guilty sometimes, but hey, if i get what i want, that's all that matters!

well that's the mindset of a lot of people. as long as you are being satisfied, you wont even be bothered to pay back what you owe. nothing in this world is free, even if it claims to be free.

oh, and it was really nice seeing my sfa friends again, even just for a little while. there is so much to catch up on, yet so little time. i've been looking forward to seeing them for about a week now, but hey, a short while is better than nothing, raiite? nevertheless, some presences are good distractions.

:}

sometimes things work in weirdly mysterious ways. when you need something to happen, nothing happens. and when you don't expect anything to happen (not during the most important exam of your life) the most interesting things happen. my mind is now occupied with the thoughts of my host family. i haven't heard from them. maybe they were expecting me to make the first move by breaking the ice? i don't know. the afs sending representative was supposed to email me the details of my host family about 6 days ago, but she kept putting it off. some people needs to have some sense of responsibility, and start taking other people seriously.

anyway. on a lighter note, you're a coward ! you know who you are (yes, it's you!) look who's the one coming up with lame excuses! in your face :D

;]

idioticity of malaysians

so i was at popular about... (looks at the clock, then mentally calculates the time) 2 and a half hours ago, and i just witnessed it second-hand the true idiocity of kuantan people. it is not the first time though, but this one really deserves a mentioning in my blog.

the entrance to the back door of the bookstore is a fully glass door, and on that door there is a sign saying "pull" on it. in my opinion, i think these people who go to popular are either illiterate or have a really low iq. or blind. everytime i stand at the magazine section, i am sure to hear the sound of people banging against the glass door, and i will wonder to myself, "ouch, doesnt that hurt?". i guess they just have really thick layers of fat.

death

i have always wondered what it's like when i die. will anyone cry at my funeral? will the sky be dark and gloomy, accompanied by occasional lightning flashes and vibrations that indicates the presence of thunders before a heavy downpour?

every time i propose this question, most people don't like the fact that you're actually talking about death. i mean, come on, grim reaper's gonna come after you sooner or later, and its definitely not like in the sims where you get to cheat death by making your loved one playing rock, scissors and paper to bring you back to life. heck, you can even get married to him and get these little hooded and scythed babies.

if i die before everyone else, it would be better that way because i would be spared of all the tears and the sadness. things break, including hearts and hearts are one of the hardest things to mend, once its shattered. maybe it's because i just hate the feeling of being dumped. so, once you're my friend, you're bonded with me for life. :]

AFS interview

so yesterday i started making my way there from sammy's house at 7.40a.m. and i thought i was late. when i arrived, there was even more latecomers who came later than i am and i was thinking to myself, malaysians are never punctual. which reminds me that "on the way" means i still have a long way to go before i even get out of the house. :]

i practically spent the whole day being influenced to be anti-social, because most of my teammates are so quiet that i feel guilty to even breathe, in case i disrupt the silence. i was one of the last fews to be interviewed and when it came to my turn i was practically shaking non-stop. when i entered the room, i saw two not-so-friendly faces [but it wasnt too bad]. i tried to give them a good impression towards me by greeting them with a smile and asking about their day [not that i care]. i guess they can see my nervousness, but i was too nervous to relax myself. who knew that afs interview questions comprise of nonsensical questions? they were giving me a hard time by asking me questions that are beyond my control, like " what happens if you come back with an american accent?" i was like, how am i supposed to know? i mean, really, how am i supposed to know??

the worse part of the whole interview was this : they asked if i could perform any sabah/sarawakian ethnic tribe dances. they dont expect me to know it, do they? i will have to pick that up sooner if i even get to go, but not during the interview! EPIIIC FAAAIL

i guess there's not much chances of me being picked for the second interview but deep inside me there is still that small flicker of hope. after the whole thing one of the interviewer came up to me and complimented my english. i guess its the only plus point that i have.

i cant wait for august! i dont care if i dont get it, i just want to know the result!

CONFIRMATION!!

I got up at about 8.1O a.m this morning, mainly because the guests in my house were making a lot of noises, and also because my mom was too anxious that i was gonna be late to church to prepare. when i got there, i didnt see desiree and raymond, because apparently they were hiding behind a pillar for fear of passer-bys ogling at them. when i arrived, i was kinda shocked to see raymond's curly hair. well i thought he had straightened his hair before, but why was it so wavy? anyway, i began working magic to his hair, and the whole straightening process took about roughly 45 mins. imagine the thickness of his hair, minus the sideburn. the front part was the hardest cos the baby hairs were so short. when bishop arrived [i never knew he was so punctual!] i was still doing his hair and he was mortified when he heard the bishop's voice.

the whole process was exactly as rehearsed, except for the part where we need to kneel before "your grace" for the anointment. during rehearsal, i was practically laughing my arse off because bishop JUDE was so funny! but the actual thing didnt require us to kneel face-to-face so it kinda eased my urge to laugh.

now this is the best part : us singing "we are one in your name". everyone of the girls wore a dress, except for me. but i rocked that look even though i was wearing skinnies with my sister's red-laced adidas stan smith sneakers. the singing was as expected, i guess, because i did not ask for anyone's opinion.

after the concluding rite, we were taking pictures with everyone. its not often that you get to wear all white, and the last time we did was when we were nine. i had a dress back then.

cameras were flashing everywhere at the altar, and i too took some pictures on this special occasion. basically it was an experience too precious to be forgotten, especially the preparation for it.

ohh, and as i was writing this, i got a phone call. ohh and guess what? it was mr raymond himself! he was expressing his gratitude towards me by offering to treat me for a meal soon. hmm.. i wonder if that day will ever come.. but it was nice of him to call me personally just to say thank you. that took me by surprise.

later in the evening i had dinner with rainier and the gang, including joshua, the most unlikely person to join us. we ate at crocodile rock, the outermost part of the restaurant cos the whole place was deadly silent. no one made any noise, except for the clinking of the cutlery. i ordered *ehem* bangers and mash [in a bri'ish accent]. it got everyone laughing their heads off. after we filled up our stomachs we made our way to john's condom, just opposite to croc roc. that place's nice if only they have their lights on.. plus the pool looks creepy in conjunction with the dark surrounding. all of us ran to john's house right after rainier and desiree went up to check out the flickering lights. well, they caught up in the end so we ended up messing with john's facebook account instead. coincidentally, raymond was online at the same time so we made john sound gay. it was soo funny and in the end i got about 90+ notifications.. all thanks to the bunch of monkeys spamming my pictures.

Grandparents' Birthdays!

well, last night was fun in the beginning because i get to take lots of pictures and stuff like that but almost at the end things got boring cos i when i tried to play "happy birthday" on guitar i failed. miserably. and so it got my mood down for the rest of my night or so. i was yawning and got bored of taking pictures of everyone, mainly because its either most of the people were drunk or extremely anti-social. when i finally got back home i slept immediately. i just couldn't stop staring at the clone. at all.

i need to...

get a life. seriously. all i do is just going online... visit random sites, and thats it. my addiction to the net is baaad and i need to get off this thing.

nothing but the truth, please

so, the confusion sets in, when mixed signals are sent off. which is it then? there is a fine line between virtual and reality, and if you dont interpret clandestine messages correctly, things happen. its like being asked this question : [[seeing is believing --- looks can be deceiving]]

maybe some things are better left alone... and let it work itself out. but you wouldnt know if you dont try, or so they say.

p/s : dont strain your brain tryna understand what ive written.... whats not yours will not be yours and if its not meant for you, you wont know what im talking about..

maybe its just gibberish? maybe. the possibility is there

dont try to avoid the truth, what goes around comes around.. wait til karma bites you on the arse

Part II

so, here goes part 2.

there was this part where you have your own envelope hung up and anyone can write anything for you. so, we as mischievous kids have a brilliant idea on spamming raymond's inbox! that was really really fun. so melissa and i brainstormed for quite some time and came up with the idea of a chainmail. its those sorta thing on facebook where if you don't post this to other statuses you will die a horrible death, which is plain bullshit. we made up a ridiculous story about how a girl hung herself with her pantyhose and then stuffed it in his mailbox, not forgetting the See More part. rainier, too did some spamming.

we also had this angel-mortal thing, and i scolded my angel for not coming to my rescue when i needed him. time passed by so fast and in the blink of an eye its time to head home. right before the ride home we were given a stern warning by raymond on not to comment anything about his driving. well we kept our mouth shut on that. a few minutes after the journey started he literally fell asleep on the steering wheel! we just had to stop. we got outta the car and got ourselves and himself something to eat. the journey continued and we were making a lot of noises in the van, singing to justin bieber songs just to annoy him. but he showed no reaction and that wasnt fun at all. what a party-pooper! he was soo quiet for the whole time that i seriously thought something was wrong with him and the way he reacted actually made me feel bad for always being so sarcastic to him. unbelievable, i know!

so, thats the end of it. the whole thing was really fun and saying goodbye to the friends we have just met for 2 days was a difficult thing to do. but we sorta promised each other to still keep in touch.. and this is where facebook plays its role. the reason im jotting all these down is because i know i have limited space in my memory, and the only way to refresh it would be carving all i need to say here.

praise the lord‼

Confirmation Camp

well, i just got back from the MBS Rawang Resort about 3 hours ago, where my final confirmation camp was held.

the journey there was okay, and i was in the same car as melissa, sonia, jane, alcia and two other aunties. we got into the mvp cos the van was taken by kristyl, rainier, desiree and the others. they just couldn't wait to torture raymond with justin bieber songs, ever since raymond mentioned it to us herd of buffaloes just right before the trip. how much smarter can he be? ¬_¬

well it was all his own fault

we were kinda off-timing, cos we were supposed to be there by 7 p.m., but reached there a little later than expected. this is all because of raymond's driving and also those justin biebers that raymond had to babysit. well he was just lucky enough not to have ludatelle there.. or else he might die before we even reach our destination. the resort was located deep inside a forest with winding roads, so remote that its almost impossible to locate it.

the first person that i met was sean. what an outgoing fella! so later in the day i warmed up to more people. i noticed something about myself though. the phrase that i used the most was "whats your name again?" cos i just cant remember names! there was this dude who said " you asked me many times dy la"

how embarrassing.. ughh. the sessions were okay, the only thing everyone looked forward to was the pool!

at the pool yesterday : i cant swim, so all i did was just soak in the water in my clothes. raymond and his gang were having water polo, and heck, he looked like a giant in the water! the water level was at everyone's chest, but when he stepped into the pool, it only reached his waist! so he started to splash water on everyone, mostly on me. at first he tried to drag me into the pool but failed. we had our payback time when all of a sudden his leg cramped. sonia and i grab this oppurtunity to splash at him in return. muahahhaaa!!

later, i saw roy walk by with sandra. he made some gestures with his hands on wanting to push me into the water. i got up and said to him that if he's got balls then let me push him into the water instead. i guess he's just those type of guy that cant be challenged. he admitted that he had 4 balls, but i kept the convo going by asking him is his balls are made out of plastic. we walked to the 6 feet deep area and he challenged me to push him, but i sensed that he was gonna pull me along, so i turned away and left. he, in turn, grabbed my hands and forced me to the side of the pool. i was trying to grab anything that i could touch but there was nothing.. i told him that i can't swim. he brushed it off saying "come on la". he was really strong - he just literally flung me out into the water. the moment i fell into the pool those chlorinated water swallowed me quickly. i felt my feet on the tiled ground, but my head was still underwater and so i tried to stay afloat by moving my arms like mad. this time the water gushed into my nose and mouth, but i managed to get some air before i started to sink again. the next thing i knew, someone jumped into the pool and dragged me up to the surface. he pushed me up to the side of the pool. i was soo relieved but at the same time had panic attack as this was not the first time i almost drowned. when i opened my eyes, i see auntie t, brandon, rainier, joshua and roy crowding near me. i was hyperventilating so much. i was coughing out the water from my nose when i heard someone asking me if i was alright. i got up, made my way to the toilet and had to explain to about a hundred people of my condition. at that time, i got so scared that my hands were basically numb and shaky. the next thing i know, desiree cut her finger by the rotating fan. that place was pure evil.

so later in the evening roy came and apologised to me. at first i just walked off cos i was still angry. the second time he approached me i made him tell me his side of the story. apparently, according to him, i did not tell him that i couldn't swim. i did! he twisted the whole story by saying he didn't hear what i say. not only the apology was insincere, he even turned the whole story around by saying that he saved my life. wtf! more like he almost accidentally killed me! i accepted his apology anyway.

later in the night i met the most awesome person in the entire camp. and his name given by me is mister awesome, real name richard. i went out of the room to get fresh air, wanting to sit on one of those benches but all of them were wet. then i heard someone calling my name and at first i thought it was brandon cos they were wearing the same colour, but it turned out to be two of the facilitators. he made me tell my story to him for the millionth time. i dont know why, but apparently he found the way i present it funny. hmm... well thats when i found out that he is awesome, if not as awesome as i am. and it only took us one conversation.

part 2 of the story is gonna be continued prolly tomorrow cos i am really tired. all my energy is drained cos i was playing the name game with mr. awesome until about one something last night, and i was woken up today morning at 6.15 a.m.. what a life!

sports day

yesterday was prolly the last sports day for me.. and life is ironic. i remember how i used to hate going to school, and now that when i only have about 6 months of schooling time left, i try to cherish it as much as possible. and that includes playing tricks on the teachers.

so the other day my maniac friends and i had this idea - to find 'things to do in class when bored'.. i did my part by googling it and you tube-ing it and came up with a whole list of it. and so, as usual, i would be the one to try it first. i made up a brit'ish accent while answering history questions and it came out not like what i expected. melissa! you promised not to laugh but in the end your laughter was all i heard!

♫♪ §ÔΠЧ ►

          its amazing how songs have the power to transform your mood.. as for now im listening to 'you and me' by lifehouse, and i just love the acoustic vibes to it. i tried learning it off youtube, but the guitar tutor was really high at the time he made the video.. so i kinda didnt benefit anything from it, and that tutorial wasted a total of 9 minutes off my not-so-long life [not including the loading time] so in total the time is more than that. i watched the tutorial for 'iris' by goo goo dolls too, but that video was more of a cover than a lesson, so he generated more hate comments than like comments. 

         the other day i stumbled across a song i haven't heard in a very long time, and that song is 'collide' by howie day. dont ask me who he is cos i dont know, i only know that particular song. another song of the same genre would be 'smile' and 'wherever you will go' by the calling. somehow the lead vocals for the band looks like a pre-pubescent jesse mccartney.

         guys with guitars are soo appealing, dont you think? but girls in guitars are a different thing altogether..

        another song worth mentioning is 'last kiss' by pearl jam.. that song is actually a sad song, but if you just listen to the tunes you will think that its a song you can bop to, but if you really pay attention to the lyrics it actually tells a story... a story about how he kinda accidentally killed her in an accident.. and how he vows to be good so that he can enter heaven to be with her. man, how can anybody even come up with such lyrics that actually touch people's hearts and stir their emotions? all i can write is stories, i cant write poem or songs.. i just dont have the talent for it. thats why everyone is setting song lyrics as their statuses. ♪♫♪

         

the person i KNOW has become the person i KNEW

its nice when STRANGERS become friends but its sad when friends become STRANGERS

i know you people dont think its such a big deal losing a friend but when friends are all you have.. its a completely different thing.. my friends are my life, next to my family, but sometimes friends can dethrone even family members cos they are the one who truly understands what i go through..

family ties is valuable but friendship is priceless

and it takes an eternity to forget friends that has turn their backs on you

flames to dust...

lovers to friends

why do all good things

come to an end....

an inconvenient truth

liars always fascinates me. its incredible how they can keep the truth hidden in shadows of their own lies, even when being persuaded to be honest. and being able to make up stories that no one believes... well these people need to wake up and stop ensnaring people into their own little tangled webs of ambiguous truths

statistics had proven that in a normal conversation, a person lies about three times, whether you realise it or not. well i think that's still okay taking into consideration that the entire conversation is not completely fake.

perhaps the truth is an inconvenient truth ala Al Gore?

17 again

yet another birthday surprise from my friends today.. they really do know how to do it like professionals! not that im complaining, im just really really glad to have known them and let them to be a part of my life.. kanchana brought a cake for me to school today.. and i have totally no idea whatsoever about it even after the first surprise that happened yesterday! ♥

well the best part of the whole thing is blowing imaginary candles, where she remembered to bring the candles but not the lighters. how brilliant. i just hope that my wishes will still come true even without those flames to blow out along with my wishes

at the end of the whole thing i had cream on my face.. all thanks to jasmine! ♥

so in total i had 2 cakes, and i made 3 wishes

the credits all go out to my friends for the well-planned surprise, and also kanchana's mom for buying me that cake!! ♥

im 17!!

well, today is historic because its my birthday!!

uhmm.. lets see.. the transition from a 16-year-old to a 17-year-old is exactly like how day would change into night. boring, i know, but the thing worth mentioning is that its a special day where people actually remember you exist, and you get to wish for whatever you want! (as for the wishes coming true part, it depends on your luck)

my friends caught me by surprise when they sang me a specially choreographed birthday song, one-of-its-kind in this entire world cos it consists of the Song of Songs!!(my ♥ book in the whole bible).. if youre wondering if i was touched, i was, but if youre wondering if i cried, that would be no, im not that emotional, but i really appreciate what my friends have done for me today... they really made my birthday a memorable one!

and not forgetting i received two cards from 3 friends today... although its worth nothing but it is priceless, and it is their thought of me that matters the most,.. actually, i dont care if there are no gifts or whatsoever,just a simple birthday wish is enough to keep me happy for the rest of the day ♥

i really really love my friends, im sure i cant live without them!

Massacre of the Innocent Frogs

i finally got the chance to sharpen my killing/torturing skills today as we have to dissect frogs for today's experiment. a lot of people brought their own frogs - with meei jin ending up with the biggest and the ugliest frog my eyes have ever seen >_>

it was kinda shocking and i was a little disgusted by it but at the moment when i saw it being cut open with a pair of blunt forceps i was satisfied. really satisfied that a creature like that has been killed. call me a sadist or a masochist or whatever, i dont care ... so you can go screw yourself now

i went over to everyone's table and snapped some pix of their defenceless little frogs that were pinned on all fours on the wax tablet with a fairly huge needle. well those needles can be considered as huge if you were to push it through your flesh!

i brought a roll of thread as melissa and i wanted to stitch back the skin (and hopefully bring the frog back to life and make headlines) but the skin was too elastic and it took me a great deal of energy to just push the needle through. ouch, that must have hurt, taken into consideration that the amphibian is still alive with its small and weak heart still pumping blood all around its disfigured body. how sad.... not

after done playing with it that creature it died on the hands of melissa vincent who pierced the heart with a pair of not-so-sharp tweezers. could you think of a worse way to die? *shakes head*

then i was in charge of the carcass, where i pulled its eyes out from its sockets, cut my way up its groin, de-skinned the whole thing, ripped off its jaws and cracked its skull to reveal a really small brain. oh, and not to forget i detached its limbs from its body and pulled out the tongue so that the frog may never speak of its death to any other frogs at all, be it in heaven or hell.

the end.