Bittersweet Memories

If there is one single thing I cannot understand from having been alive for 23 years, it is the nature of human relationships. Sometimes strangers become friends or lovers, that's good but when friends and lovers become strangers, it hurts me. Every single friend I've ever had that turned into strangers, I grieved for them all. Every single lover that decided I was not what they loved, I grieved too. To me, once you've entered my life, you are a part of me. No matter how far away you've walked out of my life. No matter how long ago you left. You mattered. And it's always sad for me to lose people that have entered into my life because I form attachments with them. 

And when someone leaves, I always beat myself up. Was I not good enough for them? What did I do wrong? Why didn't they give me a chance to redeem myself? I spiral into a circle of heartbreak and self loathe. Yeah, it breaks my heart to be treated like a doormat; where people can walk in and out as they wish. It affects me deeply to know that they were not the person I once used to know. And it sucks. It sucks even more to remember the good old days we used to spend together, when it was all nothing but sunshine and butterflies. 

And the worst part is a change of heart is irreversible. The person who once looked at you like the universe resided in your eyes does not even bother to glance at you anymore. The person who was once addicted to your angelic voice does not even bother to call you anymore. The person who was once head over heels in love with you does not even feel the same anymore.

The fact of the matter is, you did not change. They did. 

Is this what being an adult really is like? Full of heartbreaks and sadness? If so, I don't wanna be an adult anymore.