Fuck you all

Please Donate To My Hearing Aid Fund

     So this is my first week of lectures right, and for my statistics class I got this most Chinese-looking lady in the mid-fifties as my lecturer. Once she started talking, my ears started bleeding. She puts on this very obviously fake British (Australian?) accent but it comes with a tinge of Malaysian ? Ugh I don't even know fuck that accent it makes me so fucking OCD because her grammar is terrible yet she tries so hard to fake an accent she so obviously lost a long long time ago. 

     How am I so sure she faked the accent ? Firstly, she tries too hard emphasize her T's and her A's (the best example would be how an English says "water"). Secondly, she speaks slowly. I can vouch that this is the main reason she's faking it because if I wanna fake my American accent I'd do the same thing. Speaking slowly gives me more time to think back about how I should pronounce words a certain way that would sound American. And it's a very conscious act. Thirdly, she drops her accent while speaking to students personally. She loses the accent when a Malaysian kid approaches her to speak to her privately. Although I haven't actually personally spoken  to her, I have eavesdropped a conversation of said person and another mate.

Ugh fuck her fake ass accent. I can absolutely not focus in class because I focus too much on her fucking accent and her fucking sucky ass grammar. She may be able to fool other dumb kids in class but not me. Should I just email her to just drop her accent? AHH THINKING ABOUT HER ACCENT DRIVES ME INSANE I CAN FEEL MY EARWAX BUILDING UP TREMENDOUSLY TO BLOCK OUT HER VOICE. WHY WOULD SHE DO THAT?! DOES SHE ACTUALLY DERIVE PLEASURE FROM TORTURING MY POOR EARDRUMS ??? 

And the way she says "NO". Oh lord please have some mercy on me. If you've ever heard an Australian say "NO", that's exactly what it sounds like. Except for you have to picture an old lady with sagging double chin say it.

I have to endure this for 14 weeks. 4 hours each week. I hope I make it out alive.

Birthday Eve

So...  What should I be feeling about tomorrow ? I'm going  to hit the big 21 and fuck,  I've never felt so old in my whole life. There's not gonna be a fancy party whatsoever, to be honest I've actually never even had a birthday party. I've always felt awkward about turning a year older,  and the older I got the worst I handled it. I'd feel tears welling in my eyes, something that would never happen before. I guess that, with time, I learned the sentiment. I feel more emotional, but obviously I keep it to myself. Nobody must know I have a weak side. It's just not a thing we practise. I don't treat my mom or my sisters as best friends. In fact, if you are a friend,  chances are you know me better than my own family.

What have I achieved as a 20 year old?
I think my year has been pretty damn productive. Apart from the abuse I suffered at Vivo Hotel and subsequently sent to Sarawak to survive on my own,  the year has been pretty okay actually. Not too good though but relatively moderate. I've definitely become more paranoid about my grandparents since their fall. Maybe it's because I've finally grown up mentally because according  to some people I still look like I'm 18.

Any presents for me?

2014 Resolutions

I haven't thought about my resolutions yet, actually, so I will make things up as I go. I feel so aimless, but then again it's not a good thing to aim so high only to fall so hard. Whoever told me that it will be a piece of cake to get 4.0 in uni is a big fat liar! It's only the first semester and I'm already struggling to keep all my subjects balanced between the 80-100 mark. Lesson learnt - do not take "advices" so seriously.

• get a gpa of 3.7 and above for all my semesters

Why 3.7 ? Because I can actually waive my loan and not pay back. I've already owed about 20k by the time I graduate so it would really benefit me to not spend RM150 of my first paycheck to pay off my debt and subsequently take out RM150 every month til my debt is all paid. Fuck being a student is so tough.

• exercise

I haven't done any exercising since I stopped in November 2011 so it would really be good to dust my shoes and get back on track and get a decent body. For my future navel piercing. 

• get another piercing
If my navel piercing didn't reject I'd be so happy but no, my bitch of a body HAS TO kick it out. I'm eyeing for a rook piercing too. Piercings are fun and exciting.

• learn to forgive and forget

Why harbor hate towards someone who doesn't even remember if s/he has hurt you ? So from now on if anyone say/ do mean things to me I should probably just forget about it cause chances are I'm sacrificing my happiness over some assholes being mean. (Well my social science lecturer was being the ultimate bitch yesterday so I'm still kinda angry she had to react the way she did but TODAY IS A DIFFERENT DAY it's a new me so I forgive her.)

• spend more time with my grandparents
I'd really like to be able to drive my grandparents anywhere they want to because I have a drivers license now and I am willing to be a free personal chauffeur. Maybe this excitement will wear off once I have my own kids and have to dread driving them to school. 

Wow this list is so short I really have nothing better to come up with. Probably will add to this list when I think of something worth doing. Yea. I should really get back to my studies.

New Year's Resolution 2013

Today is the last day of the year (again) so let me see what I can cross out from my resolution checklist. Time has gone by surprisingly fast but that's kinda good, I think, cos I don't really like how this year turned out to be. I spent the first half of my year working in Vivo Hotel so basically there goes my supposedly 9-month holiday. Then the rest of my year was spent in Unimas, a university out in the woop woop. Yep, that's it.

• accept my STPM results with an open heart
When the results were out, you basically HAVE TO calculate your GPA yourself and when i got mine, my hands were trembling so much and I was so nervous I couldn't even math. When I regain my composure and figured out my GPA, I was half-screaming because I got exactly the pointer needed for entry into the local university. Although it was pretty shitty, I was glad because my prayers were answered. Thanks, Jesus.

 • get driver's license
YESSS this has got to be the biggest achievement of my life. I was declared a full-fledged licensed driver at the end of August, just in time for my enrollment. You have no idea how much I whined at my mom for her to finally let me get my license. I have more whining to do, too, because she wouldn't let me TOUCH HER CAR. I have a license for Pete's sake. Apparently she doesn't like being chauffeured to work. 

• continue my studies in USA
 This is by far my biggest disappointment. Nope, my hopes were dashed. I don't have enough money, and never will. I get envious of my friends who continued their studies overseas. You lucky bastards.

• positive thinking
My anxieties were alleviated when my grandpa had a seizure, and ever since then whenever I hear a loud thumping noise when I'm trying to sleep, I relive the exact moment when I heard my grandpa fall followed my my grandma's disheartened screams. It's horrible, to top it off my grandma fell and had to go to the hospital. It makes me hate being confined here feeling so helpless.

My last resolution was omitted due to cringe issues. When I blog and write cringey stuff I tend to forget I actually have viewers and it might come back to haunt me so better not. Overall, I didn't really like this year because honestly it could have been better but it wasn't... Glad it's going to be over in another 2 1/2 hours.

Farewell, 2013. It has been a rolley-coastey ride.

   
 

The Malaysian West Virginia

     For my political science assignment,  we have to find a political event and then describe it. My team chose a political event somewhere out in the woop woop, in the outskirts of Kuching and deep inside a dark road. There was not a single street lamp in sight -  I kid you not.

     On the way there, my sceneries to my left and right were both the most fluorescent greenest grass you will ever see in your life. The houses were far apart and it's just greens. It reminded me so much of my stay in West Virginia and honestly, for a moment there I convinced myself I was.

     When we got there, it was a true village. It gave me a similar feeling to my hometown in the rubber estates. Small kids were playing in the small little river accompanied by their parents and oh did I mention the water was UNPOLLUTED AND CLEAR and right at that moment I wanted to jump in. When the time had come, the village head literally screamed into the microphone on the audio system to call out all the villagers. Everyone exited their house in their best traditional costume - the Bidayuh traditional wear.

     One of my observations was that some of people there are so old like omg you must be at least 90 years old! And another observation would be when the village head spoke to us in ENGLISH!  ARE YOU KIDDING ME I DIDN'T KNOW OLD  PEOPLE IN REMOTE VILLAGES SPOKE ENGLISH!
Shame on you youngsters in universities that cannot even understand simple English.

THE Roommate

I can't believe I'm nice enough to write an entire post dedicated to my roommate. Well here's the thing : this is going to be really negative. Proceed at your own risk.  Not for the sympathetic-hearted.
Two nights ago while I was on the phone in my room ,  my roommate motioned to the door while carrying a backpack,  so I knew she wanted to go out.  I motioned back "go ahead" and then she went.  I didn't manage to ask her where she was going cos there were housemates in the living room so anyone would naturally assume she's gonna be outside studying or whatnot. When I finished exposing my ear to radiation,  I went out and the living room was empty. I didn't know where she went so I got back to my room and slept like a log. 
The next morning,  I thought I heard the roommate's alarm so okay ,  she's back. Since I didn't have any classes I stayed home all day and totally forgot about her until I came back from the library at 12am. GUESS what?  She still wasn't home. I asked my housemate and they said she messaged saying she would be out late but it's already too damn late and they messaged her again but no news.
I got so scared I couldn't even sleep last night. I had so many "what-ifs"  running through my mind. What if she was kidnapped?  What if she was raped?  What if she was KILLED and comes back and haunts me??  I was so damn paranoid I slept with the lights on.  The rationale behind this?  I was afraid she would manifest as a ghost and come back to disturb me.  When I woke up today my eyes were hurting so bad from the glare ugh stupid roommate.
Then at 9.18 sharp she walked through the door as I was eating Maggi. I interrogated her and her explanation for disappearing was cos her "friend"  didn't send her back last night. "FRIEND",  YOU SAY ? You dumb ass just say you went and slept with a guy last night cos I honestly don't give a damn. I don't give a damn about you being missing either,  I just didn't want to be dragged into your problems incase you happen to be found dead in some drain.
So do you see how nice of a roommate I am? I wake you up when you can't wake up for classes in which  you never returned me the favor. I sweep all of your nasty hair you drop all over the house. And I don't make a shitload of noises when I know you have classes late in the afternoon whereas I have classes at dawn. But you do all of the opposites.
You snooze your alarm from 7 til 8 right before your classes start. You never bothered to wake me up when I overslept. And you...  Ugh.
I can't wait to move out.