I Don't Know About You But I Loved Being 22

Being 22 has been an interesting experience. The first half of it was nothing out of the ordinary but my second half was very conflicting. I experienced sadness and joy all in the span of less than a month (watching Inside Out as I was typing this It's a very good movie!). October was a bad month for me, but November redeemed itself, and then December rolled around and it was much better. 

I have challenged myself so much this year. I've done things I never thought of doing. I went to Penang with Natty and it was a great experience staying in a mixed dorm. I met a new friend who constantly challenges me to go outside of my comfort zone and be better in general, and I am thankful for that. Then I went alone to Ho Chi Minh City to meet my friend and it was amazing. It was amazing because after almost 5 years, I finally had freedom again, albeit only for a while. But it was still better than nothing, considering that my parents are crazy protective. Hello, I'm 23, I can handle myself very well, okay! 

Here's to a more exciting year ahead as a 23-year-old. This age will mark a milestone in my life because this is the year that I will graduate and exit into the real world as a full-fledged adult. I can't wait (omg no I really don't want to do this but I will have to eventually). I already have plans to go to Europe the moment I am done and when I have money of course, because I don't learn French for nothing. Shit. I still have about 10 months til I graduate and to figure my life out, so I will just let the chips fall where they may. But going overseas is definitely on my list, and I have to accomplish this. 

Goodbye 22, you've been a good learning and growing age. Hello 23, I hope you're more mature yet never stop laughing at fart jokes! 

I Don't Know About You, But I'm Not Feeling 22

Oh. Oh no. I'm 22 today. I cannot believe it. Where did the time go? I don't want to grow old. Seems like I was just 21 yesterday.

Well I was literally 21 yesterday anyway hahahh. And I also did literally nothing at home. I didn't get crazy drunk in a club, nor did I go smoking weed / vape / whatever all these young people are smoking like wtf am I even a young person ??? I fear the day I reach 25 and the quarter life crisis hits me, but one thing for sure I hope I make it back to the States to celebrate my birthday there. Honestly, I am jealous of my other friends who are out there in the world experiencing life. I want to do that too... while I'm still young and full of enthusiasm. With every passing day in uni I get more and more life sucked out of me oh god. Thinking about going back to uni and seeing my classmates make me wanna die.

On the bright side: I probably could make it back to the States before I'm 25. Yeh that's a good thought.
I also have great friends and family members, I am so thankful for all the supportive people around me. They're the real mvps in keeping me sane.

Birthday Eve

So...  What should I be feeling about tomorrow ? I'm going  to hit the big 21 and fuck,  I've never felt so old in my whole life. There's not gonna be a fancy party whatsoever, to be honest I've actually never even had a birthday party. I've always felt awkward about turning a year older,  and the older I got the worst I handled it. I'd feel tears welling in my eyes, something that would never happen before. I guess that, with time, I learned the sentiment. I feel more emotional, but obviously I keep it to myself. Nobody must know I have a weak side. It's just not a thing we practise. I don't treat my mom or my sisters as best friends. In fact, if you are a friend,  chances are you know me better than my own family.

What have I achieved as a 20 year old?
I think my year has been pretty damn productive. Apart from the abuse I suffered at Vivo Hotel and subsequently sent to Sarawak to survive on my own,  the year has been pretty okay actually. Not too good though but relatively moderate. I've definitely become more paranoid about my grandparents since their fall. Maybe it's because I've finally grown up mentally because according  to some people I still look like I'm 18.

Any presents for me?

Birthday wishes in advance

Okay, so the attendance was only 10 out of 15 people so it was kind of a laid back day. We have 3 periods of chemistry today, which means facing ryan for 2 hours, and a lot of weird things happened today,things that are weirder than fiction, i would say.

sooo, the first incident was when i left my haloalkane notes in the class, so i got his permission and brisk-walked back to my class to retrieve my notes. i walked back in a slightly faster than usual pace so that he would not complain about me loitering around the school (windows in the room were tinted). and when i entered the room,he suddenly called out my name and said "i have something to tell you". at that instance panic attack striked me. oh goshh, what did i do this time? after what seemed like an eternity of suspense, he finally revealed that he misplaced his haloalkane notes so we would be doing alcohol instead. jeez, did he do that on purpose OR WHAT? but i was relieved to find out he has no intention to reprimand me of something i didn't know i did, or didn't do.

and the second thing was, he gave us a 5-minute break. he suddenly broke out in a discussion about what we are going to be doing on the 3rd day of chinese new year, and then he got started on the history of the 15 days of the new year celebration. then he came back to me; he asked me "so what are you going to do on the 3rd day of cny?" and i was hesitant with my answer, so i answered "uhh, nothing i guess..." and then i asked him back "you wanna see me is it?" the whole class broke out in a laughing fit, and then he was like "its her birthday" then he called me up to the front and said that he has a gift for me. it was a card, and my response was "really ah?" i was so shocked i didn't know what to do but to walk up to his desk awkwardly and get the card from him. that was too unexpected, i mean we all know he hates me and i hate him too and he backstabs me like there's no tomorrow and i do too so that was a huge shocker. Now he made me feel really bad, because that is a first time any teacher actually make the whole class to sing me birthday song. heck, most of the teachers dont even know i exist.

earlier, i had planned to go up to him and apologize for the hate, but now that he actually handmade me a card, i feel really bad. ugh, i dont think i could gather up my guts and apologize to him. let's just see how it all work out tomorrow.

maybe he isn't such a bad character after all.

im 17!!

well, today is historic because its my birthday!!

uhmm.. lets see.. the transition from a 16-year-old to a 17-year-old is exactly like how day would change into night. boring, i know, but the thing worth mentioning is that its a special day where people actually remember you exist, and you get to wish for whatever you want! (as for the wishes coming true part, it depends on your luck)

my friends caught me by surprise when they sang me a specially choreographed birthday song, one-of-its-kind in this entire world cos it consists of the Song of Songs!!(my ♥ book in the whole bible).. if youre wondering if i was touched, i was, but if youre wondering if i cried, that would be no, im not that emotional, but i really appreciate what my friends have done for me today... they really made my birthday a memorable one!

and not forgetting i received two cards from 3 friends today... although its worth nothing but it is priceless, and it is their thought of me that matters the most,.. actually, i dont care if there are no gifts or whatsoever,just a simple birthday wish is enough to keep me happy for the rest of the day ♥

i really really love my friends, im sure i cant live without them!