Glossophobia

Dear kids, 

Today you will learn a new term. A term that relates to almost 75% of Americans. And we're not talking about the common Americans. We're talking about Americans who would choose death over speaking in public. In ancient Greece, 

glosso = tongue
phobia = fear

therefore it literally translates to "fear of the tongue". Also more commonly known as "fear of public speaking". And today I was part of the 75%. A little background: I am taking Public Speaking this semester and it was not by choice but by force because every single person from my course needs to take it to graduate. So, we are taught by this pro-government lecturer who apparently has appeared LIVE on TV over a million times (his words not mine) (ok maybe not a million but close enough) who has no fear and is part of the 25%. So, the first few classes went good because its predictable and whatnot. However, the first thing he said when he walked into class this morning was about how he would pick 5 students at random to assess and this accounts for 10 marks. Ok, I thought to myself, 5 people out of 104 isn't so bad. I cant be that lucky. Heh. That's like a 4.8% chance to get picked. Such slim chance. Nah it won't be me.
The first person who got called was a girl and she got up, liked it or not she was going first or risk losing her 10 marks. She was definitely caught unprepared and was very very very nervous and she didn't know what to say so she apologised and went off. 
The second person was another girl who seemed to have accepted her fate so she fared fairly better. At least she had a momentum and could still crap off on top of her head what she remembered about the lecture earlier (we were supposed to talk about what we've learnt). 
And then he called out number "one one". It's eleven. The 11th number on the name list is........ MY fucking name. Well now I know where I rank alphabetically.
Holy fuck. I was caught unprepared because what the fuck I wasn't expecting that. I had no time to memorise anything and if you know me I have literally no memory so like it or not I walked up to the front. All the while my thought process was "fuck this fuck that fuckity fuck why me god". I was knee deep in my lecturer's shit. And so with trembling hands I grabbed the microphone and started talking. 

Okay let me begin my speech today by telling you a story. When I was 8 years old, I had to go on stage to present a little essay my English teacher wrote me. I had the weekend to memorize it before I had to go up on stage during the assembly on Monday. But when it was my turn, I froze. I couldn't remember much because I was so nervous and the only thing I remembered about the essay was how a man was selling ice-cream by the street. I was so scared so I just mumbled something and then I was silent for a long time until my teacher told me to get off the stage. I was very embarrassed. And that is the story of how I had stage fright for the first time.

Or something along the line. I couldn't remember. My story was relevant to my speech. However, throughout my whole speech, I was still very visibly nervous. I did not manage to apply a single effective public speaking technique he's been telling me the past week. Towards the end I bullshitted something along the line of "fake it until you make it" and that's really ironic because no matter how much I was faking it, I still didn't make it. 
And do you wanna know something even more ironic? 
All of us did the same speech of "How To Overcome Stage Fright".
Bet you didn't expect that plot twist, did you?

Well right after my speech something unexpected happened. He said I had a very strong starting, and that the way I started my story was well done, and it was a good example. I was shocked. WHY DID I GET PRAISED??? I didn't know that the torment my primary English teacher put me through at 8 was finally worth it. Heck I didn't even know that my most embarrassing two hours on stage when I was a mini me would pay off. So, thank you, mean bitch, for thoroughly embarrassing me when I was so young. You knew I couldn't do it, that's why you picked on me. And that's not the worst part. The worst part was that even my sister laughed at me when we got home and told everyone. But you don't need to know that.

Overall it was a good but horrifying experience. I can finally check off "impromptu public speaking" off my bucket list (not that it was even on my list anyway), and I belong in the 25% now. Today I truly found out I have the talent of bullshitting on-the-spot. I'd better spend more time honing this new found skill, in case it would come in handy someday.

AFS Interview / AFS Interview Tips / AFS Interview Experience

Hello dear clueless readers, 

I dedicate this blog post to help those who have applied for the AFS exchange programs and are waiting to be selected for the interview. I am an alumna of AFS YES 2011, and I was hosted in GA, USA. It was such a great experience! Anyway, back to the interview. I still remember vividly when I sent out my application back in Form 5 and waited ever so patiently for my name to be shortlisted, and to my surprise I saw my name on the list. I was very excited and nervous too, undoubtedly because you will have to pass the interview before being further filtered into a smaller number in another interview (in my case). I have another blog post dedicated to my experience of being interviewed (a very poorly written piece) but you can check it out by following this link : http://laffingfrikk.blogspot.com/2010/06/afs-interview.html 

Based on what I have gone through, what I can tell you is that do not be afraid. Do mix around with other people and don't just sit in a corner and observe other people like a creep. Make friends. Interact with the volunteers, they're really nice. When it is your turn for the interview, relax. Tensing up provides you no benefit and you can only get more nervous. Do not be afraid of the interviewers, because their job there is not to intimidate you, but to evaluate you. I can't tell you precisely what kind of questions they will pose because my memory has failed me but I'm sure the questions they ask aren't too bad. 

 

If you're wondering if grades play a vital part in determining if you get to go on the program of your choice, do not worry. Let me tell you something. I am embarrassed to say this but I applied for YES with three failed subjects. I did not hold positions of  significant impacts in my school, and I was not an all-rounded holistic student. Academic-wise, I was probably one of the worst students there, and I wish I was joking. Just do your best in the interview and everything will work out for you.

Okay children, that is all the words of knowledge I have to pass on to you guys. I hope you find my post informative and let me reiterate myself; DON'T FREAK OUT. Good luck and good bye.

My Anxieties Is Killing Me (Pre-STPM results)

Omg so tomorrow is THE day ! THE day that I've been waiting for all my life, the day I've been preparing since kindergarten for. Right now I am having a lot of different emotions all jumbled up together, pretty similar like a bowl of rojak, but stale rojak. And I don't even like rojak !
Let's break this down.

Nervous : Holy shit I've been nervous all week, wait, it dates back to prehistoric era, not even last week. Its the feeling where you get called up on stage to recite a story you were supposed to memorise over the weekend but your dumb ass brain just decides to forget everything when you have the mic over your sahara desert mouth. Yeh unfortunately it happened to me when I was 7 years old.. and everyone legit laughed at me. And with that nervousness you get a weird sensation that you have to expel faeces from your rectum. It's just like fly eggs in your stomach, instead of the usual butterflies.

Panicky : Omg what if I don't get good enough pointer to get into a university, then I will have to work at the hotel for life and significantly reduce 69% of my IQ by the time I turn 21. What if I don't get 2.00 pointer and everybody gets. What if I can't accept the truth that I did badly and commit suicide?  After all this is my second chance at redemption, also my final chance at education. If so, I have to get started on my will.

Regret : I am overwhelmed with regret for not studying hard enough when I had the chance. I regret not making full use of my potential and I fucking regret procrastinating so much. And I hate my brain. And now I'm just thinking of all the possibilities of me getting good results IF I had studied.

Guilt : I am feeling guilty to have wasted my parents effort to give me a better education but I am just screwing everything up. And now I'm regretting for something I don't even know yet, I'm hoping my results aren't that bad because I'm only expecting a 2.00, nothing more. But if in any cause I miraculously get a 2.0 ++ then I will accept it even better. I have a lot in my mind right now, like, what if I don't live up to people's expectations and I end up disappointing everybody, including my grandparents who so want to see me as a university graduate. And they don't have much time left. Ahh shit.

Basically all that's going through my mind is me hoping for the best but expecting the worse. What if this is the price I pay for slacking off in school? This indeed is a heavy price then. I'mm just so fucking nervous, I don't know what to expect. I'm so nervous I'm so nervous I'm so nervous oh shit oh shit oh shit God have mercy.

Well I guess it's too late to turn back now, but one thing is sure ; if I were to know that I would end up regretting everything, I would still have down the same thing. This is a road I chose for my own, and I have to bear the consequences. Hey, at least I'm not pregnant. Or dead. That's much worse, no ?


CONCLUSION : I AM SO FUCKING SCARED/ NERVOUS/ ANXIOUS/ PANICKY FOR MY DOOMSDAY TOMORROW. 
 AND I DIDN'T EVEN GO TO CHURCH TODAY! I MIGHT AS WELL BE DEAD.